Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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