I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
