I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize