No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
