Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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