You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
