He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
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