i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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