It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
