So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize