that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
