JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
