I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
