I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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