Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
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