Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
