Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
