This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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