Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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