Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Randomize
