I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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