Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
