Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
