Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Randomize
