The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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