i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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