No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
