The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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