Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Randomize
