I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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