oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
