I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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