Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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