I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
