You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
