How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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