your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
