In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
whose ass print is on the piano?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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