When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
