"it" just moved
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
