I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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