I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
