Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
