so that wasnt chicken after all
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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