i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
