I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
