I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
