wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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