would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
