you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Randomize
