I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
