i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
