oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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