I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize