Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
