Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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