think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
