I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
