Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
