She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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