I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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