saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
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