you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
