You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
