If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
