she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize