we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
