I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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