i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
