Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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