life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
