Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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