Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
