We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
