i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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