he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
