I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
If I die, sorry about rent.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
