And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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