I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
