yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
where are my eyebrows?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
