I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
We smell like vodka and hangover
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