like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
