I love black thongs
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
