Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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