If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
