buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
