Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
