And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
did you just send me my own nude
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
