I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I just found puke in my bra..
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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