i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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