I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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