Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Do vagina's smell?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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