I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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