billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
