we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Randomize
