so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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